It’s exceptionally hard to convey to a teenager what life could be like in five, 10 or even 20 years’ time, especially now that life and society is constantly changing. What can we do?
When I do goal setting sessions with teenagers, and ask the question what are your long-term goals, often I get the overwhelming response: ‘I want to be rich and have a hot wife’; or ‘I want to be rich and have a super fit husband.’
It’s usually the boys who have this very immature approach and all they can think about is about money and hot women. Thanks again to social media for reinforcing shallow delusions.
When you drill down and ask students why they want to be rich and have a hot wife, it turns out that it’s more to do with the notion of popularity at school, than anything real, which is quite unsurprising given their age.
Often, it’s a difficult conversation to have when you suggest that maybe the trajectory of their life may not turn out to be what they want it to be.
The reality is, that most peoples’ lives never quite work out the way they envisaged.
However, despite the stark reality of life’s challenges, it doesn’t mean that students can’t reach their goals.
Instead, as teachers, it’s important that we are able to prepare them for the speed bumps and hurdles along the way.
Many teachers would simply say, ‘you have to work hard at school, go to uni, work hard on your job, then you’ll be successful.’
At this point I’d totally disagree with them. Unless students can establish what their vision of success is, then it’s unreasonable that teachers frame life in this way, because all it’s really doing is reinforcing the shallow ideas of money and a hot wife and not taking into consideration the complexity of life.
Some people have the idea that success is all about a career and money but what does success look like to you?
What’s meaningful in your life? What makes you happy? Not everybody wants to be a lawyer. Not everybody wants to be a doctor. Not everybody wants to be an engineer.
Yet for some schools I’ve worked at, unless you’re fighting hard to get into one of those three career paths, then sadly, it makes it impossible for many students please their parents.
I also pose this question to students as part of goal setting. Is pleasing your parents something that will make you happy?
Or is pleasing your parents just something to keep them at bay and not necessarily make you happy?
I’ve come across many former students of mine who have done exceptionally well academically, but then spent years in the wilderness because they weren’t doing what they really wanted to do.
They weren’t doing what they really felt was right for them and as result, weren’t the slightest bit happy with their lives.
They were living out someone else’s dreams, not theirs. What seemed like a rocket-fuelled ride towards success, with great school results and a wonderful university education, ended up with them disengaged at work and looking for something real.
One of my aims with goal setting is to have students to think about how they see their life developing and start to plan how they want their life to develop.
At the same time, there’s the need to help them understand it’s not always going to be easy. Your goals aren’t just going to fall into your lap.
When this happens however, we’ve also provided them with the skills to consolidate, adapt and move forward again towards those goals.
We achieve this through experiential education as a metaphor for getting through other challenges in life.
However, it can’t be done in isolation. There must be follow through after a program has run its course and there needs to be ongoing support from parents and mentors to help students more effectively plot and track the trajectory that they’re on.
Understanding and drawing on our own experiences as teachers, can be powerful in helping students to evaluate where they’re at and what skills they might need to develop to be able to stay on their chosen path.
What does the trajectory of your life look like? For someone in their 20s and 30s, it can be easier or harder depending on their approach and their attitude. For me, in my 20s the trajectory of my life didn’t look anything like what it is today.
My life was looking very much like a downward spiral into the abyss. I didn’t have the focus. I didn’t have a vision for the future and I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do.
Nothing I was doing made me happy, which made it extremely hard at work, as well as deciding what good opportunities for the future were, versus rubbish opportunities.
However, if you have a clear idea in your mind what you’re trying to achieve and what makes you happy, then everything else in life falls into place far more easily.
When you’re making informed decisions based upon what drives you and what makes your life exciting and interesting, suddenly, you’re back on that path to success.
Through sharing your own experience, you’re then able to impart that to be successful, life’s trajectory is not always going to be a linear one.
There may be setbacks, but from setbacks you can regroup, rebuild and become even stronger.
Consequently, as part of a much broader part of any experiential education program, you can use the various activities and challenges as a metaphor for the trajectory of life.
By relating success or failure in activities your students will face in life, you can provide immensely powerful teaching and learning moments for your students.
Through this approach, you can help your students avoid years in the emotional wilderness and get them thinking, ‘wait a minute, I can decide my destiny. I can build my life how I want it to be built!’
It’s that passion and desire to build a life of one’s own making, that’s often lost in the daily grind of school and the focus on the academic end goal for a university entrance rank.
It’s important however, that students can start to develop real ideas of where they want to take their lives and from a teaching point of view, for teachers to provide them with the skills and ability to seek out opportunities, deal with setbacks, and keep moving towards their goals.
It’s never going to be a straight and easy path. However, with the right grounding at school, it makes it so much easier.